What did Indians teach me about assertiveness?
What did Indians teach me about assertiveness? I’m OK – You’re OK The simplest (and still the most accurate) way I’d define assertiveness comes from EricBerne’s Transactional Analysis: assertive is a mindset and a way of communicatingthat expresses “I’m OK – You’re OK.” For years I’ve been running assertiveness workshops mostly in European and Americancontexts. Here assertiveness is usually understood quite specifically – as settingboundaries, saying “no,” expressing your opinion. In short, it’s taking care mostly of “I’mOK.” And then COMMUNICATING IT in a way that doesn’t attack or offend the otherperson (for example, by using “I statements”). And yes, this matters. I feel the issue starts when “I’m OK” becomes our main referencepoint. Assertiveness – Indian style When I started working with participants from India, it hit me that I’m only really beginningto understand the other half of the equation: “You’re OK.” During a series of assertiveness trainings for one company, but conducted in differentlocations, I gave participants the same business case studies. Rather regular stuff: ademanding client, a manager with unrealistic expectations, time pressure, and conflictingpriorities in a team. Participants from Poland or the US would usually react fast and to the point: “We needto set a boundary!”; “We need to clearly say this is not possible.”; “We have to manageexpectations here.” Clear, direct, and protecting themselves. Participants from India much more often… paused. And then did a few things thatshifted the frame from “difficult situation → assertive reaction” to something verydifferent: Instead of jumping straight to a response, Indians would often start by trying tounderstand what might be behind the “difficult” behavior. They’d ask and discuss whatkind of pressure the manager might be currently under, what constraints the client mighthave, and what’s happening on the other side. This wasn’t a sign of being passive. It lookedlike a conscious choice to understand the context better before responding or acting. Instead of immediately saying “no,” they would more often start with questions to clarifyexpectations, ask about priorities, and check what actually matters. So instead of thinking:“How do I say I can’t do this?” they would rather engage in a conversation and ask:“What’s most important here?” or “Would it be OK if we did it this way?” Boundarieswere still there, but more often as an outcome of the conversation, not as a starting point. Instead of building arguments for why something isn’t possible, they focused theirenergy on searching for the conditions under which things could work. Sometimes it meant doingit later.Sometimes checking internally with their manager first. But very often it meant a realeffort to meet the other side halfway – even if they could not answer the requestimmediately or fully. I have the sense that in “Western” (or more precisely, individualistic) cultures,assertiveness tends to focus on the individual: “How should I respond?” “How do Iprotect my space?”; “How do I say this is not OK for me?” Participants from India more often looked at the situation systemically, and theyconsidered all stakeholders involved – directly and indirectly. For example, when the situation involved talking to their manager about pushing back onunrealistic client expectations, instead of just setting a boundary with their manager, theywould suggest bringing everyone together on a call. Or solving it at the process level.They were looking at different connections, not just one interaction. Assertiveness 2.0: I’m OK – You’re OK (but for real) Does that mean “the West” is wrong? No. But more and more I feel like ourunderstanding of assertiveness is simply… incomplete. It focuses heavily on directness,boundaries, self-expression, protecting our own resources. At the same time, it looks alittle too less at really trying to understand the other side, building a shared solution, andworking on the relationship (and not just “delivering a well-phrased message”). These workshops really shifted the focus point for me from “How do I set a boundary ina constructive way?” to “How do I try to find a solution where both sides are genuinelyOK?” Yes, sure – there are situations where assertiveness simply means a clear “no.” But veryoften, it invites something else, something possibly a bit harder: pausing before reacting,self-reflection (“What would actually be OK for me here?”), conversation, curiosity, theeffort to look for alternatives. Because real assertiveness doesn’t end with “I’m OK.” It starts when we take “You’reOK” just as seriously.
Droga do Masala@Work
The Journey to Masala@Work There is a particular kind of silence that comes with writing a book, the kind filled with thoughts that circle your head, waiting to be caught before they disappear again. When I look back at the journey of Masala@Work, what I remember first is those long moments of wrestling with myself, my expectations, and the weight of the topic I had chosen. I often joke that Masala@Work was raised on coffee, nighttime ideas and interrupted attempts at discipline, but there is truth behind the humour. I spent years collecting the pieces that would eventually form the book: conversations in training rooms, stories gathered during my time in India, interviews, questions from clients, personal experiences, deeply human misunderstandings that revealed more about cultural lenses than about “mistakes”. All of that lived inside me long before I sat down to write. And yet, when the time to write finally came, I faced three very real difficulties. The first was perfectionism, the kind that convinces you you’re not ready, even when you’ve been preparing for a decade. I believed the book had to be immaculate — as if there was such a thing. I postponed chapters because I wanted to “read one more paper”, “double-check one more detail”, “do one more interview”. And the more I postponed, the more impossible the task seemed. The second difficulty was time, or rather the lack of alignment between the time available and the creative flow. I had moments of inspiration at midnight on a Wednesday — and complete emptiness during the quiet Sunday morning I had reserved for writing. Sometimes I felt like my brain and my calendar were living in different countries. And the third difficulty was sensitivity. The topic itself — India, intercultural misunderstandings, power dynamics, communication styles — is wide, nuanced and delicate. I wanted to be thorough without overwhelming, practical without simplifying, honest without stereotyping. That balance took time, attention and many rewrites. But despite all that, something kept pulling me forward. Maybe it was the belief that this book could help someone avoid a painful misunderstanding, or perhaps it was the desire to put stories living in and around me into words? Finishing the manuscript felt like taking a deep breath after holding it in for too long. When Masala@Work finally arrived in its printed form, I held it with a mix of disbelief and tenderness. Years of work, condensed into pages. Stories that had once lived only in my memory are now shared with others. And then came the premiere. I didn’t expect it to be so emotional, but oh, it was. The room was full, warm, present. I saw curiosity in people’s eyes and kindness. I remember thinking: This is why I wrote it, for connection. For the possibility that someone would walk away feeling more confident, more informed, more equipped to navigate cultural complexity. The reactions that followed were humbling. Readers told me they felt guided, not lectured. That the book’s stories felt real. That the advice was practical and clear, that they recognised themselves in the frustrations, and found comfort in the explanations behind them. Each message felt like a quiet confirmation that the long journey had been worth it. Which brings me to the next chapter of this story. As the Polish edition began to travel on its own, the idea of an English edition started taking shape. A new language, a new audience, a new responsibility. Translating the book was easier in some ways, harder in others. English opens doors, inviting a global readership with its own cultural nuances, expectations, and sensitivities. I wanted the English version to feel just as warm, just as respectful, just as helpful as the original. I wanted Indian readers to feel seen, and non-Indian readers to feel supported. I wanted the humour to remain, the gentleness to remain, the honesty to remain. At times, the challenge was not the translation itself, but the emotional task of re-feeling the stories in a new linguistic landscape. And now, here we are, standing at the edge of another beginning. The English launch of Masala@Work is just around the corner. A new room, new faces, new conversations — but the same heart behind the book. I can’t wait to meet the readers who will join this next part of the journey.
Cicha praca życia między kulturami
We often talk about the beauty of living across cultures — the broadened perspectives, the meaningful connections, the once-in-a-lifetime experiences. And all of that is true. But there’s another side to it that doesn’t often make it into pictures or stories. Living between cultures can also be quietly exhausting. Beyond adaptation I spent a few years in Scotland. One thing that confused me endlessly in Aberdeen was the way people said, “You alright?” when passing you in the corridor or at the start of a conversation. The first time someone asked me, I started explaining – “Yes, just a bit tired, didn’t sleep well…” – and they looked surprised. I didn’t realise it was just another way of saying “hello.” Over time, I learned that these small rituals carry emotional codes of their own. That “you alright?” wasn’t a question – it was a way of gently opening the door to connection. I still sometimes over-answer it. But I also smile now when I hear it – a tiny reminder of how complex and fascinating communication can be. Adapting to a different culture isn’t just about learning how people greet each other or what’s considered polite. It’s about attuning yourself to a different emotional code — often one that’s unspoken. It takes: Openness, to notice how people speak and connect. Vulnerability, to express yourself in new ways — linguistically, emotionally, even physically. Courage, to engage with difference — whether that’s being seen as different, or facing a culture that feels deeply unfamiliar. This process is often invisible. But it’s constant. In-between worlds Sometimes, living across cultures means translating your thoughts more than once before speaking.Sometimes, it’s wondering how much of your own cultural heritage to carry with you — and how much space to leave for what’s new. I remember one evening at a pub in Aberdeen, sitting with a group of Scottish classmates. We were all chatting, laughing – but I noticed something: they rarely talked about themselves. Everything was wrapped in humour or deflection. I had grown up with a different kind of openness, where emotions could be named more directly. That night, I shared something a bit personal – nothing dramatic, just a little window into how I was feeling. The conversation went quiet. Not unkind – just… uncertain. Only later did I realise I had crossed an invisible line that evening. It wasn’t about what I said – but how early I said it. There’s a dance to connection in every culture. That night, I learned one of the steps. Living in between often means feeling a bit like an outsider. And that’s hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it. But here’s the thing: Feeling “in between” isn’t a weakness.It’s a reflection of everything you’re holding, and how deeply you’re navigating. What you gain There’s a quiet kind of power that comes from cross-cultural living.It can make you more perceptive. More grounded. More attuned to nuance. It’s not always easy — but it’s incredibly rewarding. Because when you live between cultures, you start to notice what connects people. You understand multiple realities. And you gain the ability to choose what you carry forward — and what you let go. That’s not just cultural intelligence.That’s human wisdom. Let’s keep the conversation going If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story.Let’s keep talking — about the joys and the challenges of life across cultures.
Culture PRO™ — jak przenieść swój zespół na wyższy poziom
Culture PRO™ is an original approach designed to help professionals build long-lasting, fulfilling, and effective intercultural relationships.Its goal is to develop cultural competence and confidence in global environments.I’m proud to say it isn’t a checklist. It’s a practice. And it sits at the heart of every training, session, and conversation I lead. What is Culture PRO™? Culture PRO™ is my signature method for working across cultures with greater impact and humanity.It’s built on three essential pillars: Perception. Respect. Openness. Each one stands on its own, but together, they form a powerful, practical foundation for real intercultural leadership.Not the kind that avoids difference, but the kind that engages with it fully, with skill and presence. Perception: See the Whole Picture In intercultural work, what we perceive is only the surface:a tone of voice, a delayed response, a surprising reaction in a meeting.Beneath that surface are values, norms, and lived experiences; layers that shape every interaction. Culture PRO™ starts here: with awareness. Beginning with your cultural lens. When we pause to examine what we bring into a situation, our assumptions, habits, and expectations, we begin to notice patterns.We stop labeling things as “weird” or “wrong” and start recognizing them as different responses to different realities. Respect: Engage with Intention Not all tension in intercultural collaboration is avoidable. And that’s okay.The key is learning to respond with intention, not just instinct. In the Culture PRO™ method, respect means choosing curiosity over judgment.It’s not about being overly agreeable or walking on eggshells.It’s about showing up fully, especially when things feel uncomfortable. This pillar gives you tools to pause and reflect.To ask: What else could be going on here?And to respond in ways that preserve connection while honoring difference. You move from reactive to strategic.From polite to truly present. Openness: Turn Insight into Action Understanding is not the finish line — it’s the starting point. To build strong intercultural relationships, we need to act on that understanding. Openness means staying flexible, and co-creating new ways of working, without losing your core values.It’s about adapting where it matters, expressing yourself in ways that resonate, and listening in ways that invite trust. This is also where we develop practical, culturally relevant DOs and DON’Ts — not as rigid rules, but as shared agreements grounded in real dialogue and mutual respect. In a way, this pillar ties the whole method together: > Perception gives you awareness. > Respect builds trust. > Openness helps you act with purpose. What Makes This Method Different? Most intercultural trainings focus on surface-level facts:What’s appropriate in one culture versus another. That kind of knowledge can be useful, but on its own, it’s not enough. Culture PRO™ goes deeper.It doesn’t teach you what to think about different cultures.It teaches you how to notice patterns, relate across them, and lead with integrity. It’s not one-size-fits-all.It’s human-centered.It adapts to your team, your challenges, and your goals. And above all, it’s rooted in relationship.Because across cultures, it’s not just what you know that matters. It’s how you connect. The Bottom Line Culture PRO™ isn’t magic.It won’t make cultural differences disappear, and that’s not the point. The point is to approach those differences with clarity, skill, and humanity. Because when you do, something powerful happens:You stop seeing culture as an obstacle.You start seeing it as a resource. And from there, you build: > Better conversations. > Better teams. > Better work. Curious to experience the Culture PRO™ method in action?I invite you to explore my trainings, workshops, and sessions. Let’s make cultural difference your greatest professional advantage.
3 rzeczy, które ludzie często źle rozumieją o indyjskiej kulturze pracy
by Klaudia Fryc-Mallick When collaborating across cultures, misunderstandings aren’t just possible — they’re inevitable. But some of them are predictable, and with the right insight, preventable. Indian workplace culture is rich, dynamic, and often misunderstood, especially by professionals coming from more individualistic or low-context cultures. Here are three common misconceptions — and what to understand instead. 1. “They’re not being clear.”The misunderstanding:Many Western professionals perceive Indian colleagues as vague or evasive, especially when it comes to saying “no,” expressing concerns, or offering feedback. The reality:In many Indian professional settings, communication is context-rich and relational. Directness can be seen as impolite or confrontational. Rather than saying “no” outright, colleagues might say “we’ll try,” or “let’s see,” especially if the request comes from someone in a position of authority. What to do:Learn to read between the lines — and create space for clarity. Instead of yes/no questions, ask open-ended ones. Build trust first. Clarity often follows connection. 2. “They don’t care about deadlines.”The misunderstanding:Missed deadlines or last-minute changes may be interpreted as a lack of professionalism or accountability. The reality:Indian work environments often emphasize flexibility and responsiveness over rigid scheduling. Many teams juggle complex hierarchies, shared responsibilities, and evolving priorities. The commitment is real, but the timeline may be fluid. What to do:Don’t assume lack of care. Instead, co-create timelines, confirm expectations regularly, and allow for check-ins. When possible, factor in buffer time, and clarify what’s truly non-negotiable. 3. “They’re uncomfortable with feedback.”The misunderstanding:European or North American colleagues may struggle with how to give or receive feedback with Indian teams. There’s a fear of offending — or of not being honest enough. The reality:Feedback is deeply relational in Indian culture. It’s not just about what you say, but how — and when — you say it. Negative feedback, especially in group settings or over email, can risk shame or loss of face. But when approached with care, it’s welcomed and respected. What to do:Follow the #HPSP rule: Hard on the Problem, Soft on the Person. Be clear and specific about the issue, and gentle and respectful in tone. One-on-one settings work best. And don’t forget to offer reinforcing feedback too — praise goes a long way. Understanding workplace culture isn’t about mastering a list of dos and don’ts — it’s about noticing your assumptions, staying curious, and practicing empathy. If you’re navigating collaboration with Indian teams — or just want to strengthen your cultural intelligence — download the Masala@Work Preview. It’s full of real-world examples and actionable insights to help you connect more meaningfully across borders. Get your copy here